OK, I know Estragon will yell at me, and I’ll lose some geek cred, but something’s been bugging me about Iron Man.

Tony Stark gets a bunch of shrapnel in his chest and he has heart surgery in the Afghan prison by some random dude.  Now, rather than go in and remove the shrapnel (which would seem complicated), the surgeon puts an electro-magnet in his chest hooked up to a car battery (which would seem even more complicated).  I don’t get it.  How is that an easier operation?  Wouldn’t it go septic?  Wouldn’t it be a little odd that you’ve had to move part of your internal organs in order to dump a magnet in there that would then prevent shrapnel from going into your heart?  And he just happened to have an electro-magnet laying around that he could wire together lickity-split and slap into Tony’s chest?  And isn’t that where your ribcage is?  Wouldn’t you have to get rid of the top part of your ribcage in order to dump a magnet there?

Yes, I know it’s a movie.

Also, did not like the use of AC/DC in the movie.  But that’s mostly because I don’t like AC/DC.

I would have to destroy you, but apparently one more post about Iron Man put us over the top and Google stopped running the damn political ad campaigns.

I do still have to remove 75 points in geek cred though, because as someone who touted pro-Crystal Skull view points you have in turn endorsed the refrigerator that survives nuclear blasts, only to bash electro-magnets in chests.

OK.  Here it is. Warning: It does ramble.  And it does talk a little about Iron Man plot points.

Why Iron Man is not as cool as Indiana Jones.

Iron Man–all about technology and peace-nik nonsense.  “Oh, there are too many weapons in the world…”  Yawn…  (Not to mention, irony, much?  There are too many weapons, I better build a bigger better weapon?)

Indiana Jones–kicking Nazi and Soviet butt and discovering that apparently anything even vaguely supernatural is true (magic Indian stones, Ark of Covenant, Holy Grail, strange alien things with crystal skulls)

Now, Indiana Jones’ refrigerator scene was goofy and silly, but still not as dumb as the prairie dogs at the beginning of that movie.  George Lucas is determined to make all of his movies stupid.  Case in point, Darth’s “No!” at the end of Episode III.  Yeah, I laughed out loud in the theater.  It was lame. Lame!  (Though I guess if I paid money for it the joke was on me.)

Anyway, back to Iron Man.  Could the fight scene at the end have been any shorter?  It was like, oh, Jeff Bridges’ has one, cool.  And then it was like the credits rolled. And apparently there’s a post-credits scene?  Not cool, Favreau. We had turned off the movie and moved on.  Now I’ve got to go find a copy of it and rewatch the end just to see what I can only assume is a five minute or less clip.

What was I talking about?

Oh right.  Iron Man v Indiana Jones.  Iron Man’s electro-magnet chest thing (speaking of which, where did he get the car battery, too?)–vs. Indiana Jones’ Temple of Doom still-beating heart pulled out of the chest.  Which one is cooler?  In my opinion, Jones.  Because Harrison Ford is awesome.

Game.

Set.

Match.

Hell Jones/Raptors with Lasers - ‘08

Normally I avoid internet battles, but this one is too geeky to avoid.  Here are the reason’s Xeno is wrong about Indiana Jones numero quatro being better than Iron Man:

1. Xeno is a mummy, so obviously there is a pro-archaeologist bias at work here.
2. They were in Afghanistan, not 17th century Australia.  Car batteries are not top secret technology.
3. Harrison Ford is awesome, and watching him is the only reason to watch Crystal Skull.  Downey Jr. maybe awesome, but he is not the only reason to watch Iron Man.
4. Iron Man can fly.  That’s freaking cool.
5. Paltrow is easily twice as hot as Blanchett. Let’s not be petty or bring meaningless things like acting ability into it.

Hell Jones / Raptors with Lasers ‘08